Work, Health, Family

Well I have decided to quit working at nights. It was really hard on Michael which made it even harder on me. My last day was this week. I am going to keep looking for a better fit for us. I am hoping to get in at the kids school for next year as an aid, cafeteria or yard-duty. I am also looking into privet duty home heath care aid. I have my license so that would work too. But we will see. For now it will be tight but okay.

Health stuff sucks. I have been dealing with it the best I can with 2 kids and a so on. I now have a Bartholin's cysts which is being removed and if you don't know where the Bartholin's glad is you are better off not knowing. Lets just say painful and not fun. I glad it is over. Just waiting for blood work to get back in a few days. I also started a new medication and I am hoping it will give me less side-affects than others that I have tried. I am tired all the time and I need to start walking or something but it is so hard to want to do stuff when you don't feel well. At first I was worried my depression was coming back and went back to see my psychiatrist but she thinks I am doing okay, actually much better than before. So we are not going to change anything but I am going to go back into therapy for 6 months or so until they get all my health stuff under control. I am also going to start doing yoga with Kaylee daily. I am hoping that it will help us both.

Ken really really likes Costco. He works really early morning either 3:00 am or 4:00 am but is home by 12:00 pm or 1:00 pm every day. It is so nice that he can help me with the kids in the afternoon and I also get some quiet time in the morning when everyone is gone. During that time I am slowly working on cleaning stuff out. I have been working on kitchen for a while now and then Michael's room and then our room. I am doing my best to get rid of junk or stuff we have not used in years. We have lived here almost 9 years!!

I am planning on have a yard sale in May and June to help cover our trip in June to Lego-land. I asked my in-laws to buy the kids passes for birthday gifts and they said yes! So that leaves just Ken and I that have to get passes.! We are renting a house with a second family so there will be a kitchen and we can make a lot of our own food. The kids are looking forward to the trip. Kaylee can hardly wait to go. I put it on her calendar and she is marking of the days. I am so happy that we can make this work. She is going to have a blast.

Michael has been doing really well behavior wise until this week. It was spring-break so Kaylee was home and both Payton and Isaac were here. He has been on high. He started biting again and his sleeping is really bad. But he is talking so much and I think starting to understand a lot more too. He still has a really hard time with question. He is okay with yes or no question most of the time. The problem is when you ask him a question that needs a answer: Are you going to preschool? what is your teachers name? Who is your best friend? Whats your favorite color? Whats your favorite show? the list goes on and on. His answer to questions he can not understand or answer is "poop butt"! Drives me nuts because people laugh at him when he says it.

Working

So about 4 weeks ago I started a new job. I studied and got my home health care license and started work. I love the work and it's only 12 hour a week. But ever since I started my anxiety has like tripled! Mostly because I am a worrier but it is also hard because I lives are already so busy and we can't afford child care so I have to work nights. I was also under the impression that I would have a set schedule but that does not seem to be the case. So with all of this change Michael has been in a really bad mood and never wants me to leave his sight. He is not eating solid food and is not sleeping well. He does not understand. Kaylee understands and really does not complain about it.
Each week I feel more and more guilty and stressed. I am holding my breath waiting for Michael to understand. Today I spent almost two hours going over are expenses and bills trying to figure out where we could cut things that we don't need. I really think that Ken and I live within our means and the only things that we should cut are maybe the trips and camping we do with the kids. But then I feel guilty  because Kaylee  looks forward to all the small little trips we go on . Is it wrong of me to want to stay Home and still work on stuff with Michael? Am I giving in to him if I quit?
I found out today that next week I am going to need a small out patient procedure on the 12th and I am stressing about that because they don't want to to lift or bend for a few days. I really wish I had parents and or that grandma was 15 years younger! I listen to friends and other people complain about their parents and to honest I am jealous. I wish that I had a mom or a dad to talk to about life issues or to advice from.
Anyways enough complaining I know being an adult is hard.