Quick update on Michael's sleep test.

So Michael had a sleep study done on April 28th. I was really worried that he would on cooperate with the  whole thing but he ended up doing better than I though. He screamed during getting hooked up to all the wires and other stuff but calmed down as soon as they were done. We also took his i-pad and that helped a lot. I had to stay/sleep there too. I slept in a recliner most of the night. Michael was asleep before 9:00pm. He woke periodically through out the night but went right back to sleep. I was happy we made it through without any major problems. 

His Sleep doctor called me yesterday with the results. He has mild sleep apnea and elevated periodic limb movements. At the moment they are more worried about periodic limb movements than the sleep apnea. We have blood work pending and a new doctor to see. No wonder he is up several times a night and moves around in his crib like he is awake. That also makes me understand why some days he is a total grump. I know when I don't sleep well I am grumpy.

This kid has more issues than I ever thought possible. I hope that we can get everything straightened out for him.

My Review/Interview for 2016

This interview was hard and I did my best to answer as honest as possible. 

Your 2016

1. What one event, big or small, are you going to tell your grandchildren about?

              I think that the election was one of the most important worldwide events of the year. I think I               will also want to tell them about all the stuff Kaylee and Michael got to do with their great-                 grandmother.

2. If you had to describe your 2016 in 3 words, what would they be?

              Surprising, Challenging and Educational!

3. What new things did you discover about yourself?

              I can handle life and function on very little sleep. I was also surprised at how much my body               could take physically without braking. After my hysterectomy, I felt like I/my body was                       running on fumes for months but I could keep going. I also discovered that I am very                           negative person.

3.What single achievement are you most proud of?

              There are 2 that I am equally proud of 1. We paid off all our debt except for my surgery! 2. I               never stopped fighting to get Michael all the help I thought he needed!

4. What was the best news you received?

              That grandma was going to make a full recovery after her hospital stay this last time.  I was                sure that she had a stroke or something terminal but it was just a reaction to medication. I was              relieved because I am still not ready to lose her yet!

 

5. What was your favorite place that you visited in 2016?

              The Snow (Tahoe) and then Disneyland with the Kaylee and Michael! Seeing Kaylee enjoy                 and explore every new little thing is so amazing for me. Plus she is so grateful for it. To her                  it is almost magical and I love watching that over and over again!

6. Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?

              Organization! I don’t think we would have made it through this year if I had not been so                       organized with everything. Between Money, Appointments and School I had a lot to plan out               and work through.

7. Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?

              I had 2 Grandma and Michelle. They both have helped me more than I ever had expected                     and I appreciate it more than I could ever let them know.

Grandma:

              If I am having a hard day with the kids I just pack them up and we head over and then I am not alone with them. I can put Michael down for a nap at her house and go shopping or do anything until he wakes up. If we are low on money or food I can go there make dinner with any food she has no questions asked. She listens to me complain about almost anything and wont tell me how to fix it.

Michelle:

              I have known Michelle longer than any of my other friends and she has helped me stay calm with all the things I am doing for Michael. She has stayed in my corner the whole inter time. She helps me with my kids even when it makes it harder on herself.  She is amazing.

8. Which new skills did you learn?

              Computer and cell phone technology. I am learning a lot about new apps and programs. I am               getting good at using all the Google stuff and excel too. I can send group emails and I have                 saved a lot of photos on google photo. I still need to learn a lot more so I am going to take a                 few computer classes next year.

9. What, or who, are you most thankful for?

              My kids and Ken! This year has been the hardest by far and he never gave up on us and                       stuck around to help me through it.

10. If someone wrote a book about your life in 2016, what kind of genre would it be? A comedy, love story, drama, film noir or something else?

              DRAMA so much emotional stuff happened this year. Most of the major events were                           stressful and intense. 

11. What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2016?

              To hold my tongue: To keep my thoughts to myself and to encourage people rather than to                   judge them.

12. Which mental block(s) did you overcome?

1.       Expecting people to change.

2.       Thinking of myself as a frailer (I am still working on this one).

3.       My parents

13. What 5 people did you most enjoy spending time with?

              Kenneth, Kaylee, Michael, Payton and Isaac! I am so lucky to have these kids and ken in my               life. I am learning so much from all of them. I love making new memories with them.

14. What was your biggest break-through moment career-wise?

              I am the mother to 2 great kids and it is my job to help them grow and develop into                            themselves. I am the one who gets to influence them and guide them. I get to kiss the boo-boos            and wipe tears away. I get to be THERE!

15. How did your relationship to your family evolve?

              A lot has change over the past year. I have learned to set better boundaries with everyone. I                have accepted the way the relationships have been defined in my family when it comes to my              children and because of this I have learned that we have so many more people in our family.               Two of which are Jean and Sally who attend our church. They have been amazing to us and                  the kids love them to pieces!

16. What book or movie affected your life in a profound way?

BOOKS:

https://smile.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483133062&sr=1-6&keywords=uncovering+happiness

and 

https://smile.amazon.com/Bodily-Harm-Breakthrough-Healing-Self-Injurers/dp/0786885041/ref=pd_sim_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=6MR3Q6790RX61JEFX2V2

MOVIES:

Nothing really moved that much this year.  

17. What was your favorite compliment that you received this year?

               People telling me that I am a good mother and nothing like my mom. I am always                                comparing myself to my mother and I feel like I am turning out to be just like her. I helps to                 hear that I am different than her.

             

18. What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?

              I LOVE bedtime with the kids. I love putting them into their pj’s and putting them down. I                   start with Michael. His song is Kumbaya and Amazing Grace. We sing he eats his bottle and               I rock him for about 5 minutes. Then its Kaylee’s turn. Her songs are You are my sunshine                  and Hush little baby. We read a book pray together and I sing to her. I lay down with her until              she falls asleep maybe 5 minutes. I know that this time won’t last forever so I enjoy it for as                 long as they will let me do it.

19. What cool things did you create this year?

                I really did not have time to be crafty this year. 

20. What was your most common mental state this year (e.g. excited, curious, stressed)?

              Stressed out to my limits and afraid. I still am Afraid. I have a hard time sharing/letting go of               my fears or just turning my fears to God, instead I hold them inside. I try to ignore what I am               afraid of or try and deny them.

21. Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year?

 #1 traveling with 2 kids. I was so worried but it went much better than I expected. We went to            the snow and Disneyland. Getting an Autism diagnoses for my son and all that went along                   with that. 

22. What was your favorite moment spent with your friends?

              There are to many to pick from but the few that stand out are Kaylee's birthday, craft day and               tea parties with Jean and Sally.

23. What major goal did you lay the foundations for?

               To try and stay positive and to go back to school and finish!

               

24. Which worries turned out to be completely unnecessary?

               Kaylee's growth. She is growing but it is just super slow.

25. What experience would you love to do all over again?

                Disneyland with the kids!              

26. What was the best gift you received?

              1. After my surgery I had to take time off work as well did Ken and church took a collection                for money and gave it to us. That money helped us get by why I  recovered. 

               2. My MOPS friends brought us meals and supported me a lot.

27. How did your overall outlook on life evolve?

                Things got pretty bad for me emotionally after me surgery and all the health problems that I                am having I could not handle it so I went back to therapy and it has been the best thing I                  could have done for myself.  I never knew how much my childhood would affect my parenting              or even how I interact with my children. Abuse affects us all differently I knew that and I                     thought I had dealt with it but with the death of both parents and having kids has changed                      things a lot for me. So I still have a lot to work on.

28. What was the biggest problem you solved?

              I think it would be getting services from Kaiser for Michael. 

29. What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it?

30. What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?

              Getting a kindle for Kaylee! She loves it and has learned so much from using it.

31. What one thing would you do differently and why?

             

32. What do you deserve a pat on the back for?

              All the progress Michael has made in the past year! He is saying words and pointing! He is                doing first and then. I have stuck with him all the way.

33. What activities made you lose track of time?

              Soda crush on my phone and cleaning the house.

34. What did you think about more than anything else?

   Michael stuff and my future.

35. What topics did you most enjoy learning about?

               Positive thinking and sensory play.

             

36. What new habits did you cultivate?

              Most of the HABITS we cultivated this year was making new family traditions for the kids.                 We have popcorn (Family nights) on Sundays with the whole extended family. We have now              added a movie night once a week where we watch a movie and have a picnic on the floor in                 the Living-room. Also, we started date night with Kaylee every 2 weeks one of us takes                        Kaylee out and does something special with her.

37. What advice would you give your early-2016 self if you could?

              Relax and enjoy life a little more.

38. Did any parts of your-self or your life do a complete 180 this year?

              Yes

39. What or who had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?

              Once again it is my kids. I have learned so much from this year.

Your New Year 2017:

What do you want the overarching theme for your 2017 to be?

              Improving myself and staying positive

What do you want to see, discover, explore?

              I want to go back to school.

Who do you want to spend more time with in 2017?

              Reading! Reading for myself. Reading with my children. Reading to keep up on current                       events and learn about new things.

What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?

              I want to learn a few new recipes to make either in the crock-pot or pressure cooker. I want                 to cook healthier meals at home.

Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen?

              My patients with the kids. 

What do you want your everyday life to be like?

              I want to be able to turn the stress into fun times.

Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of?

              1. Cooking healthier meals for the family. 

              2. Learning how to over coming self-harm. 

              3. Using positive words all the time

What do you want to achieve career-wise?

              I am going to go back to school.

How do you want to remember the year 2017 when you look back on it 10/20/50 years from now?

              The year I was committed to staying positive and started to change my thinking.

What is your number one goal for 2017?

              To move closer to grandmas. 

Michael update

Being a mom is the best thing ever! It is also the hardest thing I have ever done and now with Michael way out of my comfort zone and understanding. Before I had kids I always thought I knew what it would be like and thought I prepared myself for what was to come. I was so not ready for everything that Michael has thrown at us. I still feel very blessed every day to be at home with both of my kids and be the primary person raising them. We have had to make a lot of sacrifices to make that happen but both Ken and I think that it is important for our kids and even more important now that Michael will need a lot more help in his early years than most kids. So all in all it is worth it to be with the kids all the time. 

With all this stuff happening with Michael over the past 2 years I have felt very alone during most of it because almost everyone thought I was pushing to hard to get him help. Then with all his health problems it is overwhelming to me to even think about. I have had to make some very hard decisions for the past 2 years and there are many more to come. 
1. His pediatrician wants to do biopsies of his tummy and intestines to check on a few things but his new GI doctor is blaming all his GI issues on his A.S.D diagnosis (which I have never heard of until he told me)! So I started doing research and now I am not sure who to listen too! I really don't like his GI doctor and really trust his pediatrician but she has not worked with a lot of A.S.D kids. So that is one thing I have to decide on. 
2. His new GI doctor wants me to put him back on all dairy products because he thinks Michael has out grown his protein intolerance. So we tried it Friday and Saturday and the poor kid has had a tummy ache and gas and diarrhea like crazy. Today was the first day he has had no runny poop. So now he wants us to try lactate milk products! 
3. Then a week from Friday he has his O.T. evaluation from Kaiser. It takes about 2 hours and I know that they will denial him which is fine but the San Andreas Regional Center wont provide O.T. for him until they get the denial letter from Kaiser and then after that they will do their own evaluation as well. I hate having him to though all this it wheres him out so fast. 
4. Michael has a very limited diet and I have many people telling me what to do because at 2 years old there is a very good chance they will not continue to cover his formula. I should mention that one can cost 42.00 and he goes through a can every 3 or 4 days! so that is 2 cans a week and 8 cans a month which is more than we can afford. So I am freaking out about that and trying to find stuff he will eat that will make up for the calories and nutrition in his formula. I am taking a class at Parents Helping Parents (a nonprofit for families that help kids with special needs) for S.P.D and eating issues next week on Thursday and I am hoping I will learn a few things. 
5. ABA therapy has started and it is going to take him and the family a long time to adjust to this. Right now we are starting at 15 hours a week but they want to increase it to 25 hours a week in about 2 weeks. I don't think that he will be able to handle that much so I have a meeting scheduled in  Monday the 24th so we will see.

But there have been a few good things in the past few weeks he has been calling me mommy and it is the best thing ever. He knows who I am and that I have a name! It is so good to see him make the connection finally. He now knows 6 body parts: eyes, ears, noise, tummy, feet, and fingers. He can't say them but he knows where they are! We are working on animals now and he seems to really like the noises they make. He is fixated on horses though so I may have to get a few plastic/rubber ones for him to play with. He can moo, baa, neigh, bow wow, and  kinda quack. again I never thought this was going to happen but he is finally getting it.We are slowly starting to use P.E.C. (picture exchange communication) he still does not understand it but I am hoping it will come to him soon.