Kaylee's Birthday and all my mommy fails!

Ugg. today did not go as planned at all. I always try and make the kids birthdays meaningful and special just for them and not just giving them gifts but nothing went as planed for Kaylee today. See my parents mostly my mom did not do the birthday thing for me and made them kinda crappy for me. So I want my kids have one special day just for them where they know that I/We are happy that they are here and celebrate that with them. So when things did not turn out as I had planned I got a little down. Money is really tight and I had to keep things simple but she got to pick the things so we planned stuff last week.

Here is what I/We had Planned for:
1. Birthday Pancakes for Breakfast: Homemade with sprinkles and chocolate chips.
2. Pick up Payton and go to the park of Kaylee's choosing
3. Make a birthday cake and special cookies for her to take to school
4. Sign her up for Gymnastics Class at the willow glen community center
5. Have dinner at McDonald's and after dinner play in the in door play area
6. Watch one show before bed.

Here is what really happened:
1. No time for breakfast do to Michael so she had chocolate milk in the car on the way to pick up Payton.
2. We got to the park and started to play for about 10 minutes until Kaylee peed her pants ( to busy to stop playing to go to the bathroom) so we had to leave and go home.
3. We were unable to make the cake or the cookies because I did not have all the ingredients (mommy fail) so we went to the store and got Oreo's to take to class. No birthday cake at all!
4. There are no more scholarships left for this year at all of the community centers so she is on the waiting list (number 22 so not likely) she cried about this one! second mommy fail.
5. Do to scheduling issues I did not realize that I had Payton longer today so we ended up having dinner at Grandmas house. She cried about this too. third mommy fail
6. We did watch one show before bed and mommy even let her watch two!

I am happy to say that Kaylee was happy with her special day even if I was not. She was thrilled that we have a new kids CD in the car to sing along with and that after dinner at grandmas she got to play with uncle Lewis. This girl is teaching me so much I can't keep up! I love her so much it is crazy.

Job's and trying to make life work out for the best!

Well first off there is no such thing as a part time job anymore. They say part-time but all that really means is they want you to work 40 hours a week and have open availability and not have to give you benefits! I am so frustrated all the places that I put in applications for called me and offered me jobs but with way to many hours required and really not that much money compared to what I was making at Orchard Supply when I left. The hard part is working around Ken's crazy work schedule at CVS! I can only work early morning's or late nights and if I do that and then have the kids until bedtime at 8:00 pm I am never going to sleep! To be honest I am completely scared and I am not sure how I am going to handle it. I also just found out that Michael's ABA therapy is for 15-20 hours a WEEK on top of the Early start! I just wish I could find a solution to everything but for now I have to just take it hour by hour and day by day. I am still hopeful that Ken may find something as well.

Michael is getting harder to handle and I am tired of dealing with him. I know that he does not understand my reaction to things because he always thinks things are funny. I finally broke down today and bought a back/lease for him. He keeps running into the street on me and is so strong and fast he gets away. He got away from me this morning when we were getting into the car and ran straight for the street! Scared me really bad this time.

This past Friday I also got my first comment about how I am parenting him incorrectly and I need to set better/clear boundaries for him! He is a NORMAL child and I am just making excuses for him. I took my kids home and I cried all the way. To be honest I don't know anymore. I am happy to change anything I am doing to make things safe and healthy for Michael and Kaylee. I am also happy to admit that what Ken and I are doing parenting/discipline wise is not working for Michael and I am out of idea's so please if you think you can deal with him day in and day out please feel free to try. He has been working with a therapist for almost a year now to help him and us to fine a way to stay safe and nothing has worked that's way he is finally getting the ABA therapy because the normal stuff was not working! **sorry about the rant I guess I am still a little mad**

The best news is that I found out on Friday that Kaylee got in to preschool 5 days a week 3.5 hours a day. She can't wait for it to start! I am so happy that she will have her own thing everyday and a break from Michael. I really hope she stays this exited about it all year but we will see. I am just happy that she is so happy. Kaylee's birthday is coming up and we are going to have a BBQ at a park near grandmas. Simple easy and just what Kaylee wants. It will be Rainbow themed. Lots of bright colors is what she asked for and water balloons! The kid is easy to please. I am going to try and make a Rainbow Cake wish me luck.

http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/rainbow-layer-cake/4969fed8-141e-45f5-9a04-e03addd20fbb

I know she won't care what it looks like so that's good. I have lots of ideas for simple games and so on. I want to make it a special day just for her.

Last but not least my doctor wants me to find time for me to take care of me. She is worried that I keep putting myself last I won't be able to keep up with everything that happens on a daily bases. I think it's funny I can't even find someone to watch both kids so I can go to my doctors appointments but she thinks I can fine time for me to take sometime for myself! FUNNY my dad always said that "I will sleep when I am dead" and now my brother says that all the time and I am too. My one true goal for my life is to help my children grow in to happy healthy adults and live long enough to see it happen. I am 34 years and if I die at the age my parents did I have already lived over half my life which is really not that much looking at it that way. I hope that I can somehow live as long as grandma has. 92+ years is a lot longer than 66&67 years! I am tried the tiredest I have ever been but I am also happy with all that I have and how blessed that I have 2 wonderful children (which I never thought possible) and a husband how is my best friend! The happiness (and yes the kids) are why I get up every morning and why I try not to complain about how bad I am feeling is because what I have right now is really all I ever wanted or dreamed about. I know I am lucky and will always remember that.