Well first off there is no such thing as a part time job anymore. They say part-time but all that really means is they want you to work 40 hours a week and have open availability and not have to give you benefits! I am so frustrated all the places that I put in applications for called me and offered me jobs but with way to many hours required and really not that much money compared to what I was making at Orchard Supply when I left. The hard part is working around Ken's crazy work schedule at CVS! I can only work early morning's or late nights and if I do that and then have the kids until bedtime at 8:00 pm I am never going to sleep! To be honest I am completely scared and I am not sure how I am going to handle it. I also just found out that Michael's ABA therapy is for 15-20 hours a WEEK on top of the Early start! I just wish I could find a solution to everything but for now I have to just take it hour by hour and day by day. I am still hopeful that Ken may find something as well.
Michael is getting harder to handle and I am tired of dealing with him. I know that he does not understand my reaction to things because he always thinks things are funny. I finally broke down today and bought a back/lease for him. He keeps running into the street on me and is so strong and fast he gets away. He got away from me this morning when we were getting into the car and ran straight for the street! Scared me really bad this time.
This past Friday I also got my first comment about how I am parenting him incorrectly and I need to set better/clear boundaries for him! He is a NORMAL child and I am just making excuses for him. I took my kids home and I cried all the way. To be honest I don't know anymore. I am happy to change anything I am doing to make things safe and healthy for Michael and Kaylee. I am also happy to admit that what Ken and I are doing parenting/discipline wise is not working for Michael and I am out of idea's so please if you think you can deal with him day in and day out please feel free to try. He has been working with a therapist for almost a year now to help him and us to fine a way to stay safe and nothing has worked that's way he is finally getting the ABA therapy because the normal stuff was not working! **sorry about the rant I guess I am still a little mad**
The best news is that I found out on Friday that Kaylee got in to preschool 5 days a week 3.5 hours a day. She can't wait for it to start! I am so happy that she will have her own thing everyday and a break from Michael. I really hope she stays this exited about it all year but we will see. I am just happy that she is so happy. Kaylee's birthday is coming up and we are going to have a BBQ at a park near grandmas. Simple easy and just what Kaylee wants. It will be Rainbow themed. Lots of bright colors is what she asked for and water balloons! The kid is easy to please. I am going to try and make a Rainbow Cake wish me luck.
I know she won't care what it looks like so that's good. I have lots of ideas for simple games and so on. I want to make it a special day just for her.
Last but not least my doctor wants me to find time for me to take care of me. She is worried that I keep putting myself last I won't be able to keep up with everything that happens on a daily bases. I think it's funny I can't even find someone to watch both kids so I can go to my doctors appointments but she thinks I can fine time for me to take sometime for myself! FUNNY my dad always said that "I will sleep when I am dead" and now my brother says that all the time and I am too. My one true goal for my life is to help my children grow in to happy healthy adults and live long enough to see it happen. I am 34 years and if I die at the age my parents did I have already lived over half my life which is really not that much looking at it that way. I hope that I can somehow live as long as grandma has. 92+ years is a lot longer than 66&67 years! I am tried the tiredest I have ever been but I am also happy with all that I have and how blessed that I have 2 wonderful children (which I never thought possible) and a husband how is my best friend! The happiness (and yes the kids) are why I get up every morning and why I try not to complain about how bad I am feeling is because what I have right now is really all I ever wanted or dreamed about. I know I am lucky and will always remember that.
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