Random update

Fun:
I am not sure what to think of this year so far but I know it is not going to be one of my favorites. But at least I am trying to make the best of it. Ken and I took the kids to the beach on Wednesday and it was just what we all needed! It was not crowed and the kids played and played. We stayed until 1:15 p.m. It really helped with my stress level. I am maxed out. All 3 kids fell asleep in the car and all transferred to theirs beds when we got home. Kaylee is still talking about it and wants to go back as soon as we can!

Michael:
Michael and I both had a few doctors appointments these last 2 weeks. None have gone as I would have hoped but I am dealing with it. Kaiser wont give me denial letters until Michael is reevaluated! This is so frustrating because its hard on him and the appointments take up to 60 minutes. But I am trying to think positive and hope for the best. So in the next 2 or 3 weeks Michael has a Speech, OT, PT, and Feeding OT evaluation. Not sure why they all can't be done at once but leave it to Kaiser to stress this out for the little guy. His GI doctor thinks part of his GI issues are that he is both mentally and physically delayed. So his GI system is underdeveloped. to be honest I really don't care about anything but speech. I want to find a why to communicate with him other than him grunting and whining all the time. He is slowly picking up works though but the 2 words he uses correctly are HI and BALL. I love the fact that on his good days he says "HI" to every signal person he sees! I have decided to stop pushing so hard for early intervention though. Yes he needs help but I also have Kaylee, Ken and myself to nurture too! If i get to burnt out focusing on just Michael I am not going to be any good to anyone including Michael. He has therapy twice a week and I am hoping that speech will start by July and then when he turns 2 I am hoping that there will be a lot more services available to him.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Michael. I love the expression on his face and yes he likes to wear dresses and we don't care. When Kaylee plays dress up so do Michael. He loves dancing to the Frozen sound track just as much as Kaylee.

Park time!

Kaylee:
Kaylee's first year of preschool is almost over. I can't believe it. Tomorrow she has her first dance recital and I can't wait. She is only 3 (okay almost 4) but has changed so so much so fast! She is the best big sister to Michael and helps him so much. I think she has more patients then Ken or I when it comes to his behavior! I do worry because I don't get to spend a lot of one on one with her. I try to make special times when Michael is napping or I will put him down early but I hope to make a monthly date just Mommy and Kaylee starting soon. I also hope that Ken can do the same thing. I know she will love it.

First Bath at home.

New born picture at hospital.

Favorite place #1.

Favorite place #2.

Myself:
Life is pretty stressful right now. Having 2 young kids plus and extra Monday through Thursday and Ken working such crazy hours there is no time for myself. I also feel really bad because I want and kinda need to help grandma out a lot more than I am able to these days. Its hard to have Michael anywhere other than home or outside these days and Grandmas house while baby proof is not Michael proof. So staying there all day has become to hard.
As for all my doctors appointments I am still having spotting and am extremely tired and with a few other issues my doctor has decided to put me on antibiotics for a while. I am going to have my 2nd MRI soon for my lungs. I am hoping good news. They took a lot of blood work today so now the waiting game on that starts.
I have been extremely lonely these past months dealing with everything. I am with the kids all day everyday all day long with not much adult contact. I don't even have time to talk to anyone on the phone. Plus with all the appointments I have been trying to ask for help but it feels like no one is listening. It's funny how people say just as when you need something and when you do and there is not any help there! But I surprised myself and made it through and did it all even when I thought I could not. My kids keep me going. This last hospitalization with grandma really shook me up. I am not planning on her dying anytime soon but have been trying to mentally prepare myself for it ever since mom died. I thought I was doing a good job but nope after this last event I am not even close. I know it is much sooner rather than later but I am still not ready. She is the last piece of what made me ME. With both mom and dad gone and grandpa she is my last piece of home and safety. I am not ready to lose that yet.
Ken and I have been really stressed about money. With me taking 4 weeks off work and not getting sick or vacation it hurt us pretty bad and we still need to pay for my surgery. We used the last of our savings this month and I am not sure what we will do next. I am planing on having a yard sale on the 21st to help pay for next months rent and we have decided not to send Kaylee back to her preschool next year and have registered her in our school district for Jr. Kindergarten. She is 2nd on the wait list so she most likely will get in. Ken has been looking and applying for new jobs but at this point may just have to get a second job just to help us get over this hump. He is such a great daddy and the kids love him so much. I am hoping that he does find a new job with a set schedule so our lives finally calm down some.