Mostly Complaining

Totally negative post. This month has not been my favorite. I know most of it is stress and depression but I just can not seem to snap out of it as I had hoped. I feel like I am complain and negative all the time. So much stuff has come up this month that has left me feeling alone and confused.
First off I have had some health issues come up that I was completely unprepared for. It all started off with a stomach ache right after Thanksgiving and got a lot bigger than I ever thought possible. I feel as though my body is giving up on me just when I need to be on the top of everything most of all for my kids. Ever since my hysterectomy I have been dealing with one issue after the other. I have learned over the past 6 months that I have a very hard time talking about my health or even admitting there may be an issue. My therapist thinks that my body is trying to tell me something! I wish I knew what it was saying already.

Second right after all these health issues started I received an e-mail from my church stating the following:
Hi Sophie and Ken, 

Every year the council has the duty to review our membership roles and update them according to who has 

maintained their membership status according to our governing documents. Our bylaws state: 

C8.05.01 For purposes of membership roll maintenance, any member who during the

current calendar year and the two previous calendar years has made no contribution of record, nor has been recorded as communing or attending a worship service, shall be considered inactive. 

In our preparation for this year's review, we noted that one or more of these requirements was not met by you this year. This may not mean that your membership status is in jeopardy just yet. We wanted to be sure that you're aware of this and that we can help you fulfill your membership commitments if you wish to retain your voting member status. 

I have grown up in this church my whole family has gone to this church for almost 50 years and they sent me and e-mail. I am in church almost every Sunday and there during the week as well and no on thought it talk to me about this before sending an e-mail. First off it was a clerical error that should have been check on first and if someone had talked to me they would have found that out. I take my membership very seriously and also would never be a member of a church that requires "contribution of record". I should mention that I have never seen the church counsel enforce this  and was under the impression that it was either or not both! I have only ever seen people lose/remove membership for inactivity. I tried talking to Pastor and the council president about it and felt that I was not heard either time. I totally understand the business/money side of the whole thing I just feel that it should have been handled in person. I know it might seem stupid but I am really considering looking for a new church home and what sucks the most is it is Christmas and this hole thing is just to emotional for me to handle.

Lastly being a mom is all that I ever wanted but I am starting to think I am not going to be as good at it as I have hoped I would be. I am stuck at home Monday through Friday for Michael's ABA therapy from 8:00am until 12:30pm then Kaylee goes to school from 12:30pm to 3:30pm and Michael takes a nap from 1:00pm to about 3:00pm. So I never get out of the house anymore I never get to see other adults except on weekends. Ken is working all the time so I am alone with the kids all day every. Don't get me wrong we have fun and the kids are the best thing that ever happened to me but I need to be around other people. I feel like I don't know how to have a conversation anymore. I have nothing to talk about I have one clue about current events happening day to day. I feel detached from the world. This is not got for my depression or anxiety. I knew being a mom meant self-sacrifice but this so much harder than what I had ever imagined. I have been fighting and pushing for all this help for Michael and now we have it and I feel trapped. I keep trying to focus on the long term. In one year life will be 100% different from right now and that this will not go on forever. Now if I could just find a way to keep Michael healthy for 12 months. LOL

I am really trying to get into the Christmas spirit. Kaylee is so excited about everything. She loves all the decorations and all the lights every where. I love hearing her sing all the Christmas songs and asking so many question about the meaning of Christmas. Next year I am hoping that Michael will understand what is going on as well. Grandma has been a life saver! I would truly be lost without her. I don't know what I would do if I could not call her or go there with my crazy kids weekly and sit on her couch and cry about Michael's behavior or after a week of Michael not sleeping at night stay there during day sleep/nap while she watches the kids. I feel bad that she is the main person I rely on most of the time. She is 92 and handles it all so much better than I do.