June was a crazy month and July is starting out the same way. Camping, Father's Day and Health scares and more health scares.

KEN:

So about a month ago Ken and the kids were playing on a slip and slide and Ken fell knock the wind out of himself and hurt his really badly chest. It still hurts him a lot now. The first week after his fall he notice a lump under his left breast and thought it was from the fall. But it did not go away so he told me and I convinced him to go to the doctor. The only problem was that he did not have a new doctor yet after leaving Kaiser in May. So I called grandmas PCP and he got an appointment for Ken on June 29th. Okay so we had to wait a few weeks not bad right. Wrong we both spent the next 3 weeks freaking out about to ourselves. Then he came home from work early the Thursday before his appointment because he was in so much pain. Scared me a little. Ken is tough and can handle a lot of stuff and has not called in sick in over a year! I knew he was in pain then.

Breast cancer runs in Ken's family: His Grandma (his moms mom) Aunt (moms sister) and his Mother. I worry about the BRCA gene and our kids. I was tested when I had my hysterectomy and I am not a carrier so that is good. We made it to the June 29th and Ken had his appointment with a full physical. Dr. Lu said he was in good health but wanted x-ray, blood work and was referring him to a surgeon to have the lump checked out. His appointment with the surgeon was set for July 5th. Dr. Lu said that the lump was there before the fall and it had been there for a while. He said his chest pain was from the fall not the lump and his rib is really bruised not fractured like we thought. That part was good.

So we meet with the surgeon on July 5th. He said that the lump is most likely benign but we get the biopsy back next week. He measured the lump and it is 6 cm (2 inches) and to larger to be removed in his office it would have to be done at a hospital. He said we should ask Ken's mom to get tested for the BRCA gene and if she is positive then Ken should be tested. If it is benign then we go back in a few months for him to measure it again and if it is fast growing or if the BRCA is a problem then he will take it out.

This was the first time I really thought about Ken being sick and it scared me a lot. I always thought that I would be the one to die first and so on not him. I also thought about the kids and money because his the main source of income and health insurance. It was eye opening and made me think of the future and so on.

The Doctor called today July 10th and it was a Benign!! He thought it was and I just he was right. I am relieved and can let go of some of the stress that was getting to me.

Father's Day:

For Father's Day and Ken's birthday the kids and I got the carpets clean in the Dinning room, Living-room, and Hallway. Ken is so happy! The house looks really good now. Ken and I are going to clean the couches next week and then it is done. I wish we could have done more for him because he is such an amazing dad but everyone how knows Ken knows that he loves to clean and have a clean house. We went to dinner with Ken's parents at Kyoto Palace the kids had a great time. Kaylee ate shrimp and more shrimp.Both kids loved watching them cook in front of us. Kaylee wants to go back for her Birthday dinner in August.

Camping:
We went camping for 2 nights in June and it went well. We took Payton along with us and our friend Sara and her daughter Emma came along too.

Watching wild pigs.

We had a lot of fun. Michael had a hard time the second day but got over it by lunch time. We all slept in one big tent and used a smaller tent for the kids toys and for them to play in. I can not wait to do it again. Both Kaylee and Michael keep asking to go again. We are planning to go for Kaylee's birthday. I think it will be our new family thing in warm weather. We love the camp grounds that we go to because it is so close.

Kaylee:

This month has been really hard on Kaylee. She keeps asking about Kindergarten and her friends from preschool. She has had the most meltdowns and tantrums this past month, then ever before as well as not sleeping through the night. I know she is nevus and or scared about the big changes in the new school year. I am a little surprised by this though. I ask her why she is sad and she says "i don't know. I am just sad". She is also complaining of headaches which is from allergies which is not making her feeling good either. both ken and I have been doing stuff with her one on one.
We are still waiting to hear if she got into Easter Brook Discovery. She was #20 in the lottery and we should find out sometime this month. It would be so much better for her to get into that school. She is growing up so fast. Her summer school teacher said that "Kaylee was the kindest kid she has seen in a long time and she thought that she would grow up to be a wonderful woman!" I cried. It made may day to hear that. Kaylee is turning into a great little girl and I am so happy about that. I worry that I am going to mess her up in some way.

Michael:
Michael's speech has improved so much in the last few weeks I can't believe that he is the same kid. He is using so many more words and is understanding more and more. I am getting tired of having therapy everyday but it helps him so much. His hitting and biting are out if control though. Poor Kaylee get the most of it. He is starting to leave marks on her now. But he is improving with everything. After coming back from camping we had to take him in to the doctors for his toe. He cut it while camping and of course in got infected! He still did not pass his hearing test this past month. His nerve in his right ear does not seem to work like it should. I really don't know what that means and have not had the time to look it up. I know that he can hear us and his left ear is good so I am not going to push this to much right now. His drooling is crazy still and I am at a loss as to why. His speech and OT therapists think that is medical and his E.N.T thinks it is muscle tone. SO what do I do with that!! He wont die from drooling to much but it is very discussing and not very cute anymore.
He is getting out of hand with the vacuuming. Now every house we go to he asks for the vacuum! I am hoping it will blow over soon. Grandma has hiding all of her vacuums and I had to lock ours up! I am talking about hours everyday of him vacuuming the house. Kaylee is going crazy too! Then if he can't find a vacuum he wants to watch them on youtube!
Next month our school district will evaluate him and he will start preschool in October after he turns 3. I can not wait. I know it will be hard for him at first but once he is okay with it he will love it.

Me, Sophie:
It has been a very busy last 6 weeks or so. I had a very good job offer that I decided not to take. Ken and I both realized how tired we both are and that there is no way I can work 15 hours a week during dinner and bedtime. I am not ready to deal with Michael and the change in routine. It would be hard on all of us. So for now I am going to keep doing what I am doing. His therapy takes up a lot of my time in the mornings. Monday through Friday I have people in and out of my house all morning from 8:00 am to 12:00 pm. It takes a lot of energy to deal with that everyday. Plus they are teaching me things too! It wears me out.

My therapist is getting married at the end of July and is leaving the area. I had my last meeting with her a few weeks ago. I really liked her a lot. She helped think about things in a different way. They tried to set me up with a new therapist but it was not a good fit. So I am going to get it a rest for now and do a support group my therapist recommended for me. It starts in a few weeks. We will see how it goes. I am not a fan of group therapy stuff but really want to stay mentally healthy for myself and the family. I find that as Kaylee gets older it is getting harder for me. I am not sure if it is because of my mom or just what I went through at her age that makes it hard for me. But I don't want that to happen. I want a normal or at least a close healthy relationship with my daughter now and for every so I need to keep working on it. But after the day we had today I feel like a mean/bad mom. All she did was cry about everything all day. I finally had grandma take over for me because I could not take her anymore.

As for my health issues I am tired of being tired and sick. My new non-Kaiser GI doctor has been working with me and did a second Surgery and removed more of the infected area in my stomach as well as a lot more test and biopsies. He also did a colonoscopy. I have a lot/too many white blood cells all throughout my GI track and he is not sure as to way. It usually just affects the esophagus and stomach and not the instances I seem to have it all the way through. But at least I know why I am so tired and don't feel well. I am on some new medication and they gave me a list of stuff that I should not eat! I have to go back in a few weeks. I also have a new PCP and I like him a lot too. So I am at least covered by doctors now.

Other than that Life is going by fast. The kids keep me busy. I am trying to get out of the house more and do some fun stuff but I am to tired right now. I am just really looking forward to school starting in a month. I love my kids but I have noticed that if I get a break of 4 hours a week away from the kids I have a lot more patients for the kids. The hard part is that getting that break. I really don't have anyone to help me and we don't have money to pay a babysitter. Ken does a get job trying to give me time away but he is tired and we have so much to do around the house I feel so bad leaving. I am hoping to do some stuff with friend and have people over for dinner soon. It helps me so much to have stuff to look forward too. 

Health Insurance, Michael and thinking about Grandpa Guetschow

This last few weeks I have been really tired. Michael is doing better about not needing us to go in his room when he wakes in the middle of the night but I still hear him in there complaining or moaning. I am so happy that he can put himself back to sleep most nights! I have 2 more days of treatment and new medications and then I have a break for a month as we switch over all our health care to new doctors. I will have to see be seen and re-evaluated by my new doctors before we do any other medications as well as a few tests and blood work YUCK! I think I found my new primary care doctor. I meet him in 2 weeks so I hope it goes well. It just all takes so much time. I am feeling scared about not being with Kaiser any more. Not so much because I love my doctors but I have been with them since I was a teenager and it feels safe. But I am willing to change. Its just hard.

Michael has had a hard 2 weeks and it is not letting up yet. I think he is having a growth spurt and he is hungry all the time and will only eat Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches, Hot dogs, Broccoli, pasta and a few fruits. He seems to get overly stimulated really easy these days and will go crazy. It wears me out. He is always crashing into something or rolling around on toys and jumping off things. I am afraid he is going to get really hurt but so far so good. He is starting to hit and push Kaylee really hard and it hurts her. I am not sure how we can brake him of this but we are working on it.

On Tuesday we went swimming at my in-laws house and it was so much fun. We swam for almost 2 hours. Then had dinner there. The kids had the best time there. I am so happy that they both like the water. I need to get Michael into swim lessons soon. Kaylee is pretty good but still needs a few more lessons. I am looking forward to a lot of swimming this year!

I have a job interview today and I am excited and scared all at once. I am happy to have this chance though and if does not work with what I am looking for then I will move on. I am kinda excited it get out of the house though. I think anything that gets me out of the house is good. I have a few other ideas if this job does not work out.

Last night grandma invited us over for dinner and we had steaks. Ken BBQ them. They were so good but it got me think about grandpa and the night before he died we had steaks for dinner. It was Grandma, Grandpa, Lewis and I. It was a wonderful dinner and he talked to all of us so nicely. He told me I was beautiful and that Lewis was so smart. It was like he was saying his goodbye. After dinner he went to bed and did not talk again and died 4 days later with me and mom by his side. I really do miss him. This July it has been 20 years since he passed away. Crazy! So much has happened in those 20 years. There is so much I wanted him to be part of. Grandma says she mad at him for missing all these little great-grandkids running around the house. I just wish he could have been here for her these last 20 years. I can't imagine my life without Ken for a month, 20 years would hurt so bad. Strange how I think of grandpa more as a father than my own dad. Grandpa spent the most time teaching Lewis and I about gardening and always always took care of us. I also love listening to him sing. I still play his music for the kids and I love hearing them sing along with him.

April 1982 Dennis and Pam's wedding.

Grandma and Grandpa's Backyard 1983

2 of my favorite pictures of me with him. I have photos of when I was older but these will always be my favorite. His birthday is on May 28th. I always have sweet corn for dinner to honor him as well as we eat popcorn for snacks all day long. His favorite foods.

May has always been a hard month emotionally for me. So much has happened for me in May and it brings up a lot of hard memories and old emotions. I guess that it is fitting that both my parents died in May. I am going out to lunch with someone that I have not seen in a very long time next week. Almost 16 years! Crazy how time flies by. I am trying to plan a lot of fun things this week and next to help make the rest of this month Sunday swimming at my in-laws after nap time. And so much more.

Quick update on Michael's sleep test.

So Michael had a sleep study done on April 28th. I was really worried that he would on cooperate with the  whole thing but he ended up doing better than I though. He screamed during getting hooked up to all the wires and other stuff but calmed down as soon as they were done. We also took his i-pad and that helped a lot. I had to stay/sleep there too. I slept in a recliner most of the night. Michael was asleep before 9:00pm. He woke periodically through out the night but went right back to sleep. I was happy we made it through without any major problems. 

His Sleep doctor called me yesterday with the results. He has mild sleep apnea and elevated periodic limb movements. At the moment they are more worried about periodic limb movements than the sleep apnea. We have blood work pending and a new doctor to see. No wonder he is up several times a night and moves around in his crib like he is awake. That also makes me understand why some days he is a total grump. I know when I don't sleep well I am grumpy.

This kid has more issues than I ever thought possible. I hope that we can get everything straightened out for him.

Updates

 The best thing ever happened this past month: Ken is now only working one job!!!! I am so happy and relived. We only have enough money saved up to do this for a few months though. ( I hate having to make everything about money) One of us is going to have to get a job. We are going to enjoy some time together as a FAMILY and I hoping that Ken and I finally get some time for just us. These last 2.5 years have been so hard and I miss having fun together. I missed just hanging out with him and I think Kaylee has as well. She keeps asking him if he is going into work every afternoon. I am just happy that he will be home more to help with the kids. Having home for only a few hours mid-day was not much help for me to get a break. I love my kids but I just want a little time apart from them! WE ALL NEED THAT.

I am working on having a big yard sell at grandmas house to help us with rent and bills for May and June. I am going to have to ask for help because Ken can't take anytime off from Costco but I am not suppose to lift anything. I am just not sure who to ask! I feel like I have asked the same people all the time and I don't want to burn them out. Anyways we are playing on getting rid of a lot of stuff that we do not need. We have so much stuff and I want to de-cluttered everything. It will be hard for Ken but once we get going it should be okay.

We are in the process of changing health insurance and it is a pain. I have never had anything but Kaiser and I am really scared/nervous about the whole thing. The kids are staying on Medi-cal/Kaiser as long as they qualify. So with all of Michael's therapies and health issues that is a good thing. As for me I am in the process of finding a few doctors and it is hard for me. I hate it because I feel like they all ask so many questions even if you give them your medical records. So far I think I found one doctor I like so hopefully it will all fall into place. I have until May 1st to get everything organized and we no longer have Kaiser. I also just started a new medication about 5 days ago and I think it is helping me with a few of my symptoms but I am not a fan of the side-affects as of right now but my doctor said the longer I take it they will subside. I seem to have a lot more energy and my pain is pretty much gone during the day if I keep myself busy. I keep praying that this will all be under control when I change doctors and hospitals. I am tired of stressing about all of this.

Kaylee also got a scholarship for summer school! I am so happy about this. We only signed her up for 5 weeks but still now she has stuff to do for the summer and to get her ready for kindergarten. She loves school and would go crazy home with me all day since we can not go anywhere because of Michael's therapy.

We have made some reservations to go camping a few times over the summer. I am not sure how Michael is going to do but we will see. I am happy that we have a few things to look forward to in this summer.

Parents, Abuse, Death and Forgiveness. (I have been working on this for a few days. This may be to much for some people)

I feel that I should worn you that if you know me or my parents you may not want to read this. It is my truth! Most of my friends and family know my childhood was hard but this is a little detailed. To be honest I can't believe I am even writing this!

The time around my birthday is always a little hard for me. Not because of my age or the fact that I am getting older but of my relationship to my parents. To me my birthday and my parents go together. I am here on this earth because they wanted a child supposedly. Now 35 years later here I am and they both are DEAD and I am still trying to understand why they wanted to have kids or if they even loved me or know what love is! Last Sunday night at Popcorn (family night) after everyone had gone home, Lewis and I for the first time ever talked about our childhood with grandma. The drugs, violence, and fear. We did leave a lot of stuff out like the sexual abuse and a lot of the more violet events of course. But it was the first time as adults Lewis and I talked and then agreed on events of our past. I am still trying to understand how this all happened in the first place and why after all these years Grandma would want to know these things. She was always adamant that our mom was not as bad as we thought!

 For many years before they both died I told myself that they where no longer my parents. I had done my best to erase them out of my life. Yes I knew that there was still there was this connection from them to me and me to them but I had tried to pretend that it was not there but it was still there and even today as my children grow and get older I am finding it harder and harder to ignore it. It is there pulling at me to acknowledge it. Now with my health issues that have come in to play (some of the medical issues are do to trauma from my childhood) it seems to be pulling at me even more. Then with grandma wanting to talk about stuff I feel a little very overwhelmed or maybe unsettled. 

Before my parents died I had thought that I had resolved my issues with them as best I could and tried to move on and then when I had my first child Kaylee I soon realized that was very far from true. I even started to feel for them and have sympathy and felt that I was starting to understand them and their action and that made me so angry and then scared because I had told myself that I did not love them and did not care about them. I had tried my best to erase all feeling toward them good and bad.  I wanted nothing to do with them but do family events that was never going to happen. My mom was after all my grandmothers daughter. One of the hardest things I ever did in my life was let my mother hold Kaylee. I only agreed because of how much it meant to grandma. I literally gave Kaylee to my aunt Janet and left the room and cried. I felt broken and still am. As I look back on that day I wish I had protested more. I ended up in a postpartum support group after that and worked on letting my mom and Kaylee have a relationship. It was hard on me but I did it for Kaylee and Grandma. My the time Kaylee was born she was already in a nursing home so that help a little. I took Kaylee twice a month with Grandma to see my mom. Surprisingly Kaylee remembers my mom and the nursing home. She still talks about Grandma Judy a lot. But ever since the day I let mom my hold her I have been struggle with my relationship to my parents. What if I did love them and care about them?? What would that me for me, for them and how I related to my 2 amazing children? Then they both died. My dad died 3 year ago this May 2nd and my mom 2 years this April 12th. How do you morn someone that you thought you hated and never love? I have told myself over the past 25 years at least that they hated me and wanted me only for the attention I brought them. Why do I care?

I really do believe that my mother hated me and I will never really understand why that was or when her anger and hate started and why. I don't ever remember her being nice to me unless it was because she wanted something from me or to use me for a way for her to get attention. There are a few pictures when I was really young that you see she cared but only a few.

The following picture is the last one of everyone happy.

Even before this picture was taken I already have memories of her talking to me in a mean/hateful way. I even remember on the day she came home from the hospital after having Lewis that I ended up getting stitches above my eye because she pulled or pushed me off a step stool in kitchen because I was making a mess! Come on I was 3 1/2 years old! That is when I remember all the LIES starting. "She just fell" or "she is just accident prone". I don't even think my family knows the truth about that fall that day but at this point it does even really matter. I don't think they know about a lot of stuff that went on because of my parents. And more to the point I don't think they could handle it. Things change rapidly after that day and as a small child I knew no differently. 

I don't ever remember a time when my mom was not using or drinking but she hid it well for everyone. I do remember the last time I let my mom hug me and I am not even sure why we were hugging but I was around 8 years old and we were at grandma Arlene's house and she was leaving and while she was hugging me I started to cry and I have no idea why I was crying and even if there was a reason but I know that once that hug ended it would be the last one and since that day I never hugged her not once. There were many times that she tried to hug me and most of the time I was able to avoid it and a few times that I just stood there but I never once returned it. To be honest ever time she touche me I wanted to run away or slap her but I contained myself most of the time. The hardest part was when she was dying. Watching her her lay in the bed knowing that she would only be in this world for only a short time longer I started to to feel the need to crawl into her bed and have her hold me and at the same time I could not even hold her hand! I felt torn and so confused. I guess I wanted something that I never had and her death meant that there was no chance of ever having it. A dream of having a mother. Having all the things that I am for Kaylee and more. I was the only on with her when she passed away and I wanted to take her hand in that moment but I could not move. I stood there next to her and prayed and all that came to mind was the Lords Prayer and I said it over and over again. I never did touch her before they took her body. At this point I don't even know if it matters to me or not.

My moms family put a lot of the blame on my Dad and my dads family blames my MOM. For some reason in my eyes my mom was thousand times worse than my dad. My dad was physically abusive but my mom was much worse than that. She was physically abusive but also mentally. She played with my emotions all the time. She even gave me to her drug dealer and let him do what ever he wanted for her drug habit! During any of this did she love me? How on earth was she putting my best interested at heart? Did she even care what was happening to me? All of this craziness went on until one day I was home sick from school with my mom. I think I was in 6th grade. I made her mad because I would not make her lunch!! So she called my dad home from work  "to take care of me" I am not even sure what she said to him but I knew he was going to be mad. I remember hiding in the laundry-room closet until he found me. That by far was the scariest day of my life so far! After that day I pretty much live with my moms parents during the week. So after that my dad said that he wanted a Divorce because he was tired of all the games my mom played. My mom and brother moved in with Grandma and Grandpa as well. Soon after my grandparents found out about my moms drinking and drug uses. They helped her get into rehab! To me rehab made her worse. She became so shelf centered and blamed everyone else for all her problems and actions. She never got better physically or mentally between all the drugs, drinking and health issues she was crazy. She never really was normal even though most people thought she was until they got to know her.

 The last 5 or 6 years of her life or maybe even longer she was angry at everything. Nothing could bring her happiness. The more angry and hateful she became at the world the more I told myself that she was nothing to me other than the person that gave me life. In the back of my head I kept asking myself how could a mother hate their child? What would make that happen? I knew both of moms parents had loved her and raised her well. I knew that my moms siblings where well established so what caused her to be so different. The loss of a child? Mental health? Addiction? Abuse by someone other that her parents? Or maybe all those or maybe something else all together? I still have these question and will probably never really know the answer. But in all those years of being hurt and telling myself that this woman my mother meant nothing to me was not so true. I am learning that I do have a connection to her and I guess I did love her or have some strange attachment to her in some way. I guess that once I can come to terms with the fact that is okay for me to want her or love her (this part my take me the rest of my life) I may be able to finally complete the forgiveness process.

 As a child and young adult always questioned God on why he made me and why if he loved me some much would I have these people as my parents. Lewis and I went to church every Sunday with our grandparents and sometimes our mom. It blows me away at how normal I thought was back then. When I was about 10 or 12 I was at a church youth event and the youth Pastor at the time Tim Huff would had no real idea why I was so made, gave me this verse for a game we were playing and it has stuck with me for ever.

Jeremiah 29 11-14

. 11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. 12 Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. 13 When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, 14 I will let you find me, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord,

Yes I still have a lot to work on and I am not as far as along as I had thought I was but I am more happy then I ever thought possible and after talking with Lewis and hearing him validate my memories has helped me and I am not sure in what way other than me knowing someone else was there too and saw it, heard it and I agrees with me. I guess it helps me feel validated in some way. I am so lucky to have a great husband who loves me and our kids. I am blessed with 2 kids I never thought I could have and a wonderful life full of so many beautiful people and things. I have so much more than I ever thought possible when I was younger. I am truly lucky and sometimes forget that. I did not end up on drugs or worse yet dead.

Secrets (Totally random)

I have been struggling with the meaning of Secret or secrets. What is your definition of Secret? Why is a secret all most always a bad thing? 

se·cret

ˈsēkrit/

adjective

1. 1.

   not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others.

   "how did you guess I had a secret plan?"

   synonyms:

   confidential, top secret, classified, undisclosed, unknown, private, under wraps; More

noun

1. 1.

   something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others.

   "a state secret"

   synonyms:

   confidential matter, confidence, private affair;  skeleton in the closet "he just can't keep a secret"

I was talking with a friend and it turns out we have a totally different opinion on the meaning. Ken and I seem to be on the same side of the meaning. I guess that is why we are married and tell each other almost everything. I have always assumed that everyone has something that they keep to themselves and I consider that normal and healthy. But when or how does that become unhealthy. Where is that line drawn? Okay last question is a Secret then a lie if you never disclose or talk about?

I have been trying to find something to help me under stand all of this. Bible versus, Self-help books, blogs, websites and so on. So far I am just even more confused. I would love to hear what you all think.

Tahoe trip, Kindergarten and Health stuff

February flew by so fast but I still can't believe it's already March. So much went on in that month too. I had a lot of doctor visits and Michael started OT. We even managed to take a small family vacation on top of it all. All in all it was a good month and I had a little fun for the first time in a long time. Maybe life is going to be a lot less stressful. One of the biggest helps is that I found a great therapist to work with and I made it happen. Therapy helps me so much.

Snow Trip

The trip to the snow was amazing and went much better than I thought it would. What made it even better is we went with anther family so the kids had play mates. Kaylee said thank you so many times I lost count. It was so nice to have a break from our day to day life. The kids played in the snow much longer than i thought they would.

Michael was not sure how to walk in the snow and was not happy if we made him walk!

Kaylee had a blast every day!

Sled time!!

My cutie

Family Photo

Group photo with the Muetschard Family

Playing with icicles off the roof!

I am so happy that we took this trip and even more happy at how well Michael handled the change. It gives me hope and makes me want to try and go camping this spring and summer! Anyways I hope that this is a start of a new tradition for both of our families. All 4 of the kids had a blast and there was no fighting. The 3 oldest kids all shared one room and every night everyone was asleep before 8:00pm. AMAZING right. 

Friendship

While on the trip I realized that Michelle and I have known each other for 23 years! That is over half of my life! It got me thinking about how much has happened over those 23 years and what each of us has gone through. So many changes both good and bad but still our friendship remains!

7th Grade 1993-1994

10th Grade 1997-1998

Friend 2017

So it was a great trip and we all had a blast next time I hope that we can try and stay for a one more night and do a few more things. 

Kindergarten

The first Wednesday after out trip Ken went down and registered Kaylee for Kindergarten! I can not believe she is that old already! I know that she is ready and keeps asking me when it starts and I think that is what makes it so hard for me, the fact that she is wanting to happen. She has no fear about anything and I love that about her but I feel like at 4 years old she does not need me any more :-( . She is so comfortable with everything and just goes with the flow. It is just so unreal. I am really happy that she can take care of herself and is so helpful. Just sad that she is not my baby anymore.

Insurance and Health

Also before we left on vacation I had a few procedures done and had a change of medication. Now my doctors have given me a few different choices/options for my next steps and I am not sure what to do. I go in this Thursday and we will take it from there. We are also in the process of getting new insurance with Ken's new work and they don't have Kaiser. It is all a little bit overwhelming for me. I am not sure if now is the best to change doctors and stuff with all the health issues that are going on. The kids are both going to stay on Medi-cal for now as long as they qualify. Once Michael is 3 he will stay on Medi-cal and Kaylee can be on what were. There is  no way we could ever cover the copay's for all of Michael's therapies and his medications.